Boyfriends demand things I'm too lazy to give.

Sometimes, I look back on my free days and realize only one thing:

I usually (choose to) spend it by myself.

And here's the deal:

I usually (really) don't regret it.

And then it hits me; since I'm technically an adult now, anyway. I think about love and marriage and family. And how caged up it would feel if I enter one, or both, or all of the above. I used to not understand why women decline marriage proposals. If you're dating a person you love, wouldn't marriage be the optimum choice? 

They're not ready, they say.

And I finally understand.

I can't risk marathon-ing book series and have no one complain for the time I've wasted. I can't risk skipping meals to watch my favorite TV show. I can't risk skipping baths in the morning, and staying up all day in my pajamas, or waking up really late, or ignore my cellphone for the day, or put it on silent mode, or decorate my walls with posters of band members, and drawings of Michael Jackson, or empty my drawers to store music merchandise and other useless things I collect, or listen to music really loud and dance around the house as if I've embodied Hayley Williams. 

I am not ready to give up those petty things.

And I suppose that is why I refuse to enter a relationship. It'd mess up my schedule. It's mess up my attention. A boyfriend will demand things I'm too lazy to give.

Time.

Text replies.

Even my friends struggle to get it.

And as all reflections end to conclusions, I came up with this:

I either need a boyfriend who (1.) share the same interest as me and therefore would understand my needs or (2.) someone who won't give a fuck what I'd do.