So I wear black for concealment and pink for expression

I am either wearing Black, or shimmering in Pink.

The statement above is perhaps the most legit description of my life, considering my frustrated cleverness. For some time, I struggled to differentiate the two. Maybe I was color blind after all. Hence, it’s how I came to conclude the entirety of my life – between the possible significance of two colors – BLACK and PINK.

When I was young, or should I say young-er, people asked me why I started wearing black, or how I came up liking the color no one from around me really valued, except of course with wearing black dresses because they’re suppose to make us look slimmer. Believe me when I tell you that I ask the same question to myself over and over. Upon today, the same question still lingers.

Maybe I just liked the style. You know, tough with studs and skulls. Maybe I wear it because it makes me look brave, to hide my weaknesses. Maybe I just liked the music. You know, loud and alive. Maybe I listen to it because the lyrics speak in behalf of me. But I never labeled myself as Emo, in fact I never really liked being called one. Ultimately, I lived a life of rock, wearing only my black eyeliner for make-up, and my Converse for shoes.

In the contrary, along came the days when I shimmer in Pink. I mean, I took Ballet lessons as a kid. That counts right? There are those times I rush back to remembering the younger me, who wear tutus and tight buns. It was the person who listens to dance-pop and Classical. I spin around and around and I sparkle. That was me before Avril Lavigne, or Paramore, or any other rock bands I push myself to believe I like.

But sometimes, I take momentarily pauses. And no matter how dizzy I become from spinning, or how wearing buns give me severe headaches, I still liked the feeling it gave me – hopeful and happy. It gives a glimpse of a future I often paint. It leaves a mark of dreams and ambition. It makes me feel a right person to be, someone I want to be, and someone I labor to become.

And all these thoughts leave me wondering which among is the real me? And I live stuck in between, either wearing Black, or shimmering in Pink – confused, disorganized, mental – so I wear black for concealment and pink for expression.

The Sneaky Skull notes: This has been previously published on http://www.lilahgran.blogspot.com/2013/04/inverted-colors.html