Most people would choose physical over emotional pain. But I would rather get stabbed by words than get wounded by touch. People say that physical pain can be mended by medical care, and can heal overtime. However, emotional pain grows on you forever, repeatedly stabbing you with a disguised form called memory.
I cower behind my mind's capacity to hold everything in place. I am afraid of losing control. I fear everything I have no control of, like physical pain. It's all science explained by all these big words only big people can understand, but it's apparent that a stab wound would hurt a lot. Blood drains my mind in a way that it cannot stop it. It is not that I am afraid of blood itself. I am afraid for my mind and its fucked up mind of its own. I am no magician to stop the pain. I have no supply of pain killers. I have no choice but to accept that pain, and endure it. During that time is agony, like watching a plane about to crash on you. No movement. You just stand there, and welcome the unfortunate turn of events.
Emotional pain for me has an on and off switch. Forever? Emotional pain doesn't even last a minute unless I choose to. I can condition my mind with its own filter system, allowing only those I have permitted to affect me. I choose people who can hurt me. I choose when to get hurt. I have exact control and thus infact, welcome the challenge. After all, my mind converts pain into words, which shall be shared online. Afterwards, I will be laughing, because I choose to.
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