You are the partition in between the question to the answer

The thing is, I can't really tell what I want.

I am constantly swayed by factors such as: M&M

Yes, the chocolate.

Loljk

You know what I mean.

I can't tell whether I'm happy or not because he tells me what happiness is.

I can't tell whether it's right or not because he tells me what should be right.

I can't tell what I want because he tells me what I should want.

Because of this, it's either I don't want whatever he wants or I end up liking whatever he wants anyway. I can never tell for sure what I really want.

And this... is unfortunate. Also, it leads to more and more self-figuring-things-out.

Perhaps I am indifferent. I stand in between the possibility of being happy to rebelling at being happy. Because he directs what I do and where I go, my defense mechanism is to hate every path I take. It's either that, or I pretend to like it anyway, thus hating it even more. Even if I persuade myself to like it just a bit, I'll forever be doubtful. I'll forever be thinking that M only made me want it. You see M, you rob me of that tiniest possibility that I may like what you want anyway, but no, you carved it all on your own. 

I don't think I'll ever be truly free if we live at the same house, or even breathe the same air. Either I die first or you do. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy if we maintain this relationship. Either you not talk to me ever again, or I not talk to you ever again.

I realized my happiness begins when I let you go. Sometimes, we try to save things not worth saving. You and I, aren't worth saving. If parents can disown their offspring, children can too. And it should be acceptable.

I've been searching for myself at the wrong location. You are the partition in between the question to the answer. You are the partition in between who I am and who I want to be. You're the hindrance. An obstruction. 

I think the only way I'll be whole again is if I break the half of me that is rotten.

You.