So hi.

So hi. 

I'm fine,

Thank you.

I know it's been a while.

But I will not apologize.

I wanted to agree with you there. 

That I was busy and I was enjoying life,

And I have no issues whatsoever,

That's why I haven't written anything for a while.

But that wasn't the case.

It's not that I was totally busy that I can't fit in 5 mins spare time to express my inner thoughts.

It's just I haven't had a thought in a while.

Usually when I'm mad, I'm too tired to prolong the rage.

Usually when I'm sad, I'm too sleepy to entertain the tears.

Usually when I'm happy, I'm too engaged to bother explaining why.

Writing became a waste of time.

It's not that I was completely having the blast of my life that I've forgotten about the connection I have with Lilah Gran.

I was so sure that my life will catch up on me eventually. That it's all about this thing they refer to movies as fate. That everyone's predestined to a beautiful life and down the road you'll cross paths with that perfectly crafted picture. 

I thought I can distract myself for the meantime while God's brewing the perfect formula for me, and everything that I love but have put aside right now will reunite with me 5 years down the line. 

But no.

When I took Ballet, I was so in love with it that I wanted to go on forever. But with the twist of fate, Ballet and I parted ways, and it became too incovenient to reconnect. So I lived my life desperate to squeeze a dance an hour per year. I was hopeful that ten years later, someone will pull me out, and discover my heart's desire and lead me to the life I should have had. But I realized I'm aging, and my bones aren't flexible enough, and I like carbs and sugar too much now that it's becoming late. My mind was affixed at "becoming" that I missed the part that it's already become it. 

Upon realizing so, disappointment hovered me that I just kept on going. I ignored the fact that I've lived the wrong life waiting for that plot twist in my life. Guess what, life isn't a novel (not even a blog), it's an autobiography.

You write that shit or no one else will.

I still have these issues, major and small, but I'm just too disappointed, too busy, too tired and too sleepy to bother talking about it... until I start it again with Hi.