The Ultimate Vacation

Okay, here goes.

 

I've been putting this off for so long, because, well, I'm a lazy ass. For some time I've viewed a diary or a journal (to make it sound a bit mature), is well, premature. However, I've come to realize, with so much going on in my life, and all the constant changes, that sometimes, I feel lost. And when I do, I find myself looking back... all the stuff I've written, all the adventures I've taken. I read all of it, and I realize... I am vulnerable. I have doubts, anger, insecurities that makes me one of them. I am ordinary, normal, and human. No matter where I go, what I wear, what I feel, and what I want to become, I will always be this girl... writing down her feelings.

 

And so my dear friends, I didn't create this blog to entertain anyone. I made it so ten years down the road, I can read it all the same... and see where I started. It is the modern photo album passed down from generations to the other.

 

Everytime I start a post over this blog, I always have a distinct feeling. If was angry, I'd write an angry post. If I was sad, I'd write a sad post. But today, I actually feel indifferent, as I've felt everyday for the past months. I don't know if that's okay, or should I be worried, but here lies my indistinct thoughts. After all, it is where I am at the moment. Down in between, down at the bridge, found crossing the wall to the future.

 

A few weeks ago, I travelled to Malaysia, Thailand, and Singapore. I went there with my parents, and of course my little brother. It's been a while since I travelled out of the country. And it's amazing how travelling makes you feel alive. It makes you feel dead before and after too. Also, because it becomes the happiest point of the year, you feel the rest of the days bombed. And so you ask, what is it that I do before and after that makes it all okay going back. Was I excited to go back? No. I wasn't even excited before the sail. I was already stressed out by the amount of work waiting for me when I get back. I was worried that I left something behind, or wasn't able to do something I should have had. My dear friends, I have a great job. I have the greatest workmates. And as I have mentioned before, I am still in search of something missing. One of my friends told me that dreading to go to work everyday is completely normal. All kinds of job makes you hate work itself but you stay regardless because of the people. Now tell me, am I supposed to believe that was normal? And by normal means living the same for the rest of my life? If that is life indeed then wtf: it is no fun. And for someone to accept such thing as normality is absurd. I believe I am at a temporary state. I am still searching for freedom, and happiness.

 

And maybe I've tasted a blink of that for a week. Going in to a cruise, I was warned of getting sea sick. There were all sorts of threats and warnings, making me want to back out of the trip. It's very sad that people expect the worse when it's actually VERY FUN. It wasn't uncomfortable at all. In fact, I didn't feel a thing. It was a very smooth ride, and for a while I was detached from the world. Without WiFi or any sort of signal from the ground, I felt very light, non pressured, and genuinely happy. And the week felt like a year. It feels normal. There was no messages from people, no expectations from anyone. No any type of noise, or pollution. There's no bad news, no loveteams breaking up here and there. No new trailers to watch out for. No obligation to upload anything. It was the ultimate vacation.

 

And I would want to go back.

 

Celebrity Millenium,

Until the next voyage,

I'll follow suit.

 

 

xo

 

PS I know this isn't at all in any detail. I'm still a lazy ass.