When I hear music, I am uplifted. When I see it, I am alive.

Okay, I just have one thing to say.

But let me clarify,
I said one "thing", not one word.

Last night was epic. It was a blast. I went to see Closeup Forever Summer for the first and last time. Basically, it's a music festival. But no, it's nothing like coachella besides music and the desperate attempt to capture Bohemian in an outfit put together for weeks.

I have an obsession with partying, or clubbing, however best suit your word bank.

But it's not the alcohol. It's not the "staying up late". It's not the "this would look good on my story (on Snapchat)." It's not even the company I drag with me everytime I go.

It's about the MUSIC.

Okay, pretty obvs.

Okay. Let me put out a disclaimer.

I have nothing against people going to music festivals over Snaps, Tweets, or IG posts. I have nothing against party people who go to music fests to drink and smoke. I have nothing against rebellious people who party because they're sick of their day job. I have nothing against people who go to music fests to hang out with their friends whom they haven't seen for ages.

But I go because it's the very and only place I feel ALIVE.

Art has been the only thing I deeply feel passionate about. And what is music but a supreme form of art. It screams individuality, creativity, and dedication. Art has always fascinated me because it is REAL. It cannot be faked. I mean, take a look at most people out there. They can fake a laugh, a smile, a grin. They can fake having fun. They can fake falling in love. They can fake their jobs. And I think most people have. Tell me you don't hate your job. But you go to work anyway, so.

But art. Art is real. Art cannot be faked.

You cannot fake creativity.

You cannot fake painting, if you cannot paint.
You cannot fake dancing, if you cannot dance.
You cannot fake singing, if you cannot sing.

Music is my vehicle to living.

When I hear music, I am uplifted
When I see it, I am alive.

It makes me feel connected to my life.
It makes me feel real.
It makes me feel free.
It makes me feel absolute joy.

So, no. I don't go to clubs for the drinks, or the one night stands, or hitting on guys. I don't even go for dancing. I go for the music.

Lyrics don't matter too.
Just the vibe.
See the crowd respond to the beat.
The loud music.
Captivating your body.
Hypnotizing.
Covering every inch of the room.
Sweeping through the air.

I imagine it as some sort of smoke, or liquid,
Enveloping the air.
Going through every vein.
No single cell can escape it.

Like water, it fills the bucket.
Full.
Real.
There's no way it's gonna miss a spot.

When I hear music,
It's not just my body or my brain that awakens.
It's my very soul.

And I am ashamed.
I am disappointed.
I am dismantled.

By you.
Yes you,
Not you,
The other you.

M

You take away exactly THAT.

You do not understand.

You do not understand
And no matter how I make it seem cool,
You'll forever see it as a hobby.

IT IS NOT A FUCKING HOBBY M
IT IS NOT A FUCKING EXTRA CURRICULAR
AN OUTSIDE THING, NO
IT IS NOT A CHILDISH THING,
IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU JUST DO WHEN YOU'RE BELOW 18
IT IS NOT SOMETHING TEMPORARY
IT IS NOT A SIDE THING

I tried.
I tried sharing, so many times.
But your response is always disappointing.

I tell you about my day,
You tell me to better it.
I tell you about a friend's situation,
You tell me how they should do it.
I tell you about this amazing experience,
And you can't even pretend to appreciate it.
Or better yet, understand.

Most parents, they tell you to find a passion.
To envision that dream, and pursue it.
You only taught me how to earn money.
And brag about it.
You taught me to find friends who will benefit me.
And hate those that makes me happy.
Those that have been there longer than you.

You taught me how to be a robot,
Not a human being.
You taught me how to be you,
Not me.
You taught me how to benefit you,
Not myself.

You taught me all the WRONG things,
I started to believe it.

Yes, maybe this way of mine,
I am breaking you.
But remember, M,
you broke me first.

And a broken glass wounds everyone who tries to piece it back together,
Even if you just pick it up by accident.

I have wounded everyone around me,
Thank you very much

So hear me M,
This is my cry to you