I got to stop giving chances to people

I got to stop giving chances to people.

I have this delicate tendency to believe that some people are good people, that the people I know, are the good people.

I let my guard down for exemptions like this because my friends keep telling me I won't survive the world with my trust issues hanging in my back. But then I get validations like this and I crawl back to my shell.

People are such disappointments.
I do every way I could to not do the same, hoping for good karma.
But is it really worth it?

I must have miscalculated her.
From what I presumed, she really wanted to come. May it be not for the music, but I can feel it in my gut she wanted to hang out with me.
That is why I offered it to her before anyone else.
I wanted her to get the experience because she deserves it.
Because I love her.
Because I chose her.
I'd rather give it away to someone who wanted to be there.
But like I said,
I must have overlooked the signs.
I must have missed the bigger piece.
I let myself believe.

I'm sorry,
Not to you because you don't deserve it.
But to me.
I'm sorry.

I understand the gravity of stress, old friend.
I spent a year on a 8 to 5 job.
That by the time you get home, you'd rather just sleep.
I've missed out on a lot because I was always too tired to party.

I understand the lack of sleep, old friend.
I sleep five hours tops every single day,
Because believe it or not,
Law School is that demanding too.
I also have stuff on my plate, old friend.
The pressure at Law School is so farfetched.

Yes, it may not share the same description as work.
But it's stressful nonetheless.

Whatever,
I'm not writing this to highlight stress matters.

I'm here because Ultra is such a disappointment.
A waster of chances.

I may have previously talked about the change in venue at a recent post.
And then everyone I know seems to be retreating the event.
In the end I was left with one unused ticket.

Even on the last minute I was looking for someone deserving to take it.
While on the other hand, the people I was already going with, were such a mess.
And I needed to tend to that to,
While all the while, Hardwell just freaking announced that he won't be able to stop by, because of some typhoon shit.

So imagine this with me,
I've pushed this event on great lengths just because of HARDWELL. I've ignored all other mishaps along the way because I know this guy could redeem it. Hardwell is my epitomy of rave. I was supposed to see him last year, but unluckily that too was cancelled. Twice in a row, he had let me down.

And when that happens,
I get hurt.

And I seldom get hurt.
By the things I couldn't control,
Because I don't usually give out chances.

That's why I don't enter draining relationships.
Because by doing so, I am obliged to give away a part of me.
And I'm selfish.
If I do let that happen, it'd be a miracle.
I'm not saying I couldn't, but I wouldn't.
I'm choosing not to because I am weak in pain.

When I got the bad news,
I felt something familiar inside of me,
A sense of emotion I've discarded years ago.
Pain.

I was hurt.
And when somebody is in pain, they are extra sensitive.
They lose control of reason.

Whatever your reason is, old friend.
I understand.
Believe me I do.
I'm just hurt,
By the fact that nothing from last night levelled on my expectations.
And that just really really pissed me off.



PS. Thank you Alesso for the great save.