My mind is a realm of illusions. Fantasy wanders in every corner of my brain. I question my own emotions because there is always a possibility of imaginary. I have devised many lies to slip out of situations. I have crafted many masks to fit in on different situations. My mind is so much in control that I question its superiority. I am afraid to admit it has rotten. Like a dog thrown off to a pack of wolves, it learned to betray its own kind.
Before the world shuts down, thoughts fill my head. The unspoken words fill the void and I find myself difficult to breathe. I lived waiting for sunrise because "things will get better". I was dependent on the idea of "just wing it" because frankly it works. I can always mute my brain in the morning and thrive in the present. I can reroute the direction of my thoughts until needed. I have survived this way. The bitter thoughts of letting go remained internal because I can flick the switch like that.
This time is different. I waited for morning but it didn't come. I find it impossible to lower the screaming in my head. It kept going, louder and louder each minute. And that's when I realized, I have formulated my reality. I couldn't shut it down. I've exhausted my way of living and now I am out of moves. I am backed in the corner fearing for my life. I can't take the humiliation and it's killing me even more.
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