I don't know who to hate more now, my enemies or friends

I don't understand some people. How can you hate someone so much but smile when he's around? 

I don't understand my friends. How can they backstab a person so much but hang out with them?

How do people handle that? How do people handle pretending and lying and backstabbing?

I've always been transparent. I'd rather have a few friends and have them accept me and my loud mouth rather than have the company of a hundred and yet hate them behind their backs. I can't pretend I like somebody. I cringe. I explode. I end up hating that person more. We all know the last time I hang out with a person I don't like. It backfired and I ended up speaking nasty in front of everybody. But that's just what it is. I can't sugarcoat. I can't be nice to everybody. I've tried that. I grew up doing that. And I also grew up hurting because of it. 

I used to be the nicest person you'll ever know. I was the sweet girl who everybody likes and wants everybody to like her. When I was young, all I wanted was peace and drama free school days between my friends and I. But it's always the opposite. I am always involved at some drama somewhere somehow and I'm just over that now. I just want to be real and have a real life and a real relationship. 

I've detached myself from causing self induced stress by hanging out with people I don't like. All I am now is honest and transparent and yet people mistake it as being mean and rude and judgmental. And what hurts me the most is how people easily believe what they're told, and that girls my age only enjoy hanging out when there's gossip and alcohol. Come on now, there's always two sides in a story. And history is always written by the winners.

I hate that we bond over our mutual hate for a person and then the next day I find them hanging out with them. I don't know who to hate more now, my enemies or friends.