Wednesday, 5 December 2018

With or without you

The last update on my Bucket List was end of June. Almost six months later, I was hoping to tick off at least one or two. But I keep scrolling down until I reached the last item. I exited the window without having to save any changes. There wasn’t any. 

There was a pit in my stomach. I feel farther away from my goals and I don’t know how to get back to my game. I feel lost in the same kingdom I built. I can’t recognize the map I once carved, nor could I read in the language I once knew. 

I feel like I haven’t done anything worth sharing. I wasted 6 months of my life doing the same things over and over, like I’m stuck in a loop. I am embarrased to tell my grandkids I’ve been too comfortable to start something new. I am a storyteller without new stories to tell. I feel ashamed. I am thirsty of new experiences, starving from the consistency of life. 

I want to blame someone, but then again I only have myself to blame. I deprived myself of risks. I waited and waited until waiting is the only thing I mastered. 

I cannot go on like this.
I am taking control.
One risk at a time.
With or without company.

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