So, from time to time, I would freak myself out

 One time, my brother and I were so bored we scoured one of the balikbayan boxes. There we stumbled across my Mom's tarot cards. She had two or three, some even unopened. My Mom's always been into the occult, astrology, and psyche. Naturally, I found it interesting too, but devoid of necessary dedication to actually pursue it further. But it's always there, lingering. 

I've always had a natural connection with nature. My Mom would argue my birth sign, which is, unsurprisingly... Pisces. I am the gift of intuition, curiosity, and empathy. Animals gravitate towards me. I'm sentimental and a romantic, although at times, seductive and wicked. Some would say manipulative. I can read the room before I even enter it. Not only that, but I can also actually feel it. I can tell someone's true intention behind a smile. Before they could even finish their sentence, I could already tell what they were talking about. My Dad would spend 10 minutes explaining something to me, but I already understood it on the first minute. The whole 9 minutes to me is agony.

Going back to the tarot cards, I never actually believed in such things, not as truth. But I'm curious.

As a joke, I read my brother's deck, and mine. We both got goosebumps on how accurate it was. Both freaked out, we told our Mom about it then I proceeded to read hers. Her reaction wasn't as I expected. She was, instead, quiet, as if she was thinking. And then she told me to keep the specific set of tarot I used. She said I "connected to it", having previously untouched.

So, from time to time, I would freak myself out.

Today, I did just that.

I read one card, just one.

I got the Ten of Swords. The card spoke of betrayal coming from a father figure, and spending eternity in angst and revenge. It spoke of rock-bottom, martyrdom, and severing ties.

All of which spoke literally of my Dad.

It reminded of the time I most felt betrayed, in a sea of betrayals he threw at me over the course of my life.

He called me over for a conversation. He prefaced it, "Just in case, I want you to be prepared. I'm getting older, who knows what the future holds." He began giving notes, just in case, he would say. And I was dumbfounded by what he said. He told me what to sell in case he ends up incurring costs at the hospital. He literally told me to sell everything. To give him everything I've got. Everything he left behind on "paper" included. He wanted ne stripped naked. He was okay to leave me alone with nothing, as long as I do my best to keep him alive. I've always known my Dad was selfish, but never to this extent. Now I know. At the end of all things, he would always just choose himself, over his own flesh and blood.

Quite in contrast, my Mom once told me what to do in case she ends up on a lifeline. She told me to pull the plug. She didn't want to suffer, more importantly, she didn't want me to suffer. She didn't want to prolong the agony for both of us. Although I was against it, because naturally I would have given her everything, I understood the assignment. It was the complete opposite.

Ask me for everything and I will give you nothing. Ask me for nothing and I will give you everything. The only perquisite to the latter is if you gave me something. 

My Dad may have given me things, but he never gave me anything of value. My Mom has not given me anything, but even that she gave with value.

My Dad will be the death of me, I'm sure of it. We'll see each other in hell, bound by some curse we must have owed the world some lifetime ago.