My Mom and brother just left.
They're settling to another country;
Another world;
Another time;
Without me.
I feel... sad.
Like never before.
My heart aches but I ain't upset;
Or mad;
Or angry;
Or bitter.
It's just sad.
I've never appreciated sadness before.
And how powerful it is.
Have you watched the Disney film, "Inside Out?"
You'll get what I'm saying.
Ever been in a situation where you can only watch the story unfold?
Being so helpless, you are.
Like watching a horror movie.
She can't honestly hear your warnings.
You just sit there, and see what happens.
It's sort of like that.
I am seeing it;
Experiencing it.
I expected this,
And it is happening.
But I am not complaining.
After all, I get it.
I understand.
I understand the implications.
And I accept it.
I'm okay with it.
But nothing makes me feel better.
Nothing helps.
In time, I know I'll get used to it.
But that's so far away;
And that's what's making me sad.
Having to go through this,
For who knows how long.
To remember my Mom every morning brewing me coffee, and cooking wonderful breakfast.
Every Sundays when we stay up until 9am in bed, and have breakfast that lasrs until noon.
To remember my Mom calling me mid-day just to complain about the printer not working (again), or how to figure out the Television.
To remember spending countless hours going through every rack at Guess or any other boutiques we frequently go to.
To remember driving straight home every Friday night, and stopping by McDonalds for Hasbrowns, Chicken Nuggets and Floats.
To remember early Monday mornings when she prepares my car and desperately tries to make it presentable.
To remember the pointless planning to diet or gym.
To remember heading to the province so early in the morning.
Remembering the couple times we'd meet up at Greenhills Shopping Center, and we'd always get the same dinner.
And I need not to mention Northpark.
All the time.
To remember all of that,
And my brother.
And how he tells me to bring him Kinder Eggs everytime I come see him on the weekends.
And how he pushes me to the edge of the bed, because he takes too much space.
And how he randomly buys me my favorite snack because he managed to get extra cash.
And how scared he gets when I pretend to be a ghost,
Or tell him about the spider I saw in the bathroom.
And how I basically plead him to share the wifi with me.
It takes a while, but he always give in.
And how he only takes food when I give it to him.
And how we shared baths aka him wasting the water.
How he enjoys the beach or the pool so much he shivers.
When he runs home and tell me his friends don't like him.
When he begs me for a piggy back ride.
When he begs me to tickle him.
And when I ask him why, he'd say, "Because you love me when you tickle me."
And above all else,
Everytime he calls me "Ate."
*sighs*
I guess I just need to adjust my routine.
Because life... it goes on.
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