Dear God

Hi.
Hello.

It's been a while indeed.

I suppose it's true what they say.
You only seek God on your most desperate time.

I am about to enter Law School.
And it fears me.

Don't get me wrong.

I am scared.
But I don't want to quit.
I want to do this.

I want to be a Lawyer so badly,
Be my reason be valid or not.

I want to be a Lawyer.
I want to be a Lawyer.

I've never felt like this before.

Usually whenever I get the nerves,
I always entertain quitting,
Or running away.

But this time,
I've never once considered it.

I am ready,
But so unready.

Dear God,
I am not asking you for anything.

You don't have to give me anything.
I've been a very bad servant after all.
I have abandoned you,
Have neglected my responsibility and all as a Catholic.

It's been a long time since I sincerely prayed for anything,

I repeat.
I am not going to beg for your help at all.

Let me do it all.
I'll be okay.

I am strong.
Or for the sake of this prayer,
Let's say,
You have made me strong.

But I am praying now,
Because...

I just want someone to talk to.

I have no one else to turn to.
No one can really understand me right now.

Most people envy me because on their point of view,
I am going back to school.
And school means no work.
School means allowance money.
School means weekend.

LAW SCHOOL IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT.

While some would compare me to other graduates from other schools.

"No, you're exaggerating. Look at her. She had free time, hello. Let's go to Chile or something next weekend, leggo? You'll be fine."

FUCK YOU.

You should understand one thing first:

I AM NOT JUST GOING TO LAW SCHOOL PEOPLE,
I AM GOING TO -

THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE.

So no, it's not the same.

I will not have enough free time as them.

In fact,
Stop pursuing that argument.

LAW isn't COLLEGE.

I won't have free time, okay?
And I am well aware of it.
I am okay with it.
I am welcoming it.

But my problem is this: I AM NOT EXAGGERATING THIS.

It will be bloody.

It's not just some fantasy everyone at work is trying to envision while waiting for work suspensions.

This is what I want you to UNDERSTAND.

Yet nobody does.

And I don't want to waste my time trying to prove them wrong.

After all, I'll have enough arguments in a week's time.



So talking to you, my God, like this, actually sounds more sane than talking to myself.

Pardon me.
I haven't really thought about my beliefs.
But I know there must me someone, or something.
Out there.
Looking over me.

I am scared.
Of law school.
But I am not quitting.
I want to be a Lawyer.

Hear me now.
This is my prayer.