But ready, yet, I am not.

Sometimes you lose track of your preferences because people crowd around you all at once. You get excited with a bunch of new faces. Brand new stories to unveil. Fresh new personalities to discover.

You get so excited you found a new prospect to conquer
You get so flattered you begin to reciprocate their attention.

Until such realization come to you so suddenly,
Out of nowhere,
Out of the blue,
as you take your next shot of tequila.

It starts to feel... wrong.
Like you're lost in time, fooled by coincidence and great timing.
Adorned with convenience that you happen to see them every single day.

And then you lose all interest,
Because you end up hating everyone in the end.

It's like waking up from a dream I painted for myself.
All the things I shared,
I am taking it back.
All the secrets I told,
I am taking it back.
All what I appeared to be,
To you,
I am taking it back.

I have no idea why I let those things slip away from my grip.
In that speed,
In that intensity,
I've let my guard down and I let it crumble before me.
Perhaps, I even broke it down myself.
I held the hammer that tore my walls into million pieces.

I thought maybe I had enough.
I thought maybe I was ready to be normal.
To love again,
To be whole again.
I thought when I built my castle it would last me a hurricane.
But drizzle came and it fell into pieces,
all over again.

So hear my frustration now,
I'm sorry I let go
But ready,
Yet, I am not.

For never, I was,
So never will be.