I think I actually need a boyfriend

I think I actually need a boyfriend. I never thought of it until now. That, or a really clingy bestfriend who would follow me around in every activity I do. Or maybe I just need a company. An on-call tag along, if that exists.

Regardless, I feel like I'm restrained by not having a date to a countless of fun things I should be doing. For example. I am going to see DJ Snake at The Palace Pool Club on December 9, 2016. Although I literally have invited every person on my address book, I'm still left with zero company. And it almost makes me want to buy a date just so I wouldn't look awkward standing in the crowd by myself. I mean, I got two tickets, hopeful to sell the other one to a possible company. But Friday is nearing and I don't think I can take anyone. Worse case scenario, I'd just choose who's available and offer him or her a free pass. Basically, it's like I bought two tickets for myself. It's so sad, come to think of it.

And then I wanted to see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, but I have no one to go with. I even asked my Dad to watch it with me, and although he didn't say anything, it was obvious he didn't want to go. Quite honestly, I was a bit disappointed. I offered it first to my Dad because I recently went on an out of town, so I was away for 3 days. I thought he'd want us to hang out or spend time together, since after all I'm on my "sembreak". He didn't even appreciate my offer. I had to hear it from somebody else that he wasn't interested in my choice of movie. So I was left with a distant relative to accompany me. She was really willing. But she had prior commitments, so she eventually cancelled. Her words were, "Next time na lang." And it seriously made me sad. There is no next time. If I let it go this time, I'd have to wait for a DVD copy, and who knows how long that would take. 

Nobody shared the same interests as me, or is willing to go through it with me. 

And that actually, 

Genuinely,

Unfortunately,

And honestly,

Makes me lonely.

Am I really alone? 

I thought I enjoy being alone until I looked around and saw all the rest had company.

It made me feel weird.

I can't even go home to destress by inviting everyone for "just a trip to the mall"

Hell my Dad wouldn't put up with my shit, how else would others?

I wonder how would it feel,

To have a go-to,

Who would find ways to accompany you

Who would find ways to make you happy

Who would find ways to keep you safe

I enjoy dancing,

But my feet are sore.

I thought I could sit down,

But all the chairs were taken.

So instead of being awkward at the dance floor,

I just kept dancing

I just kept smiling.

Hopeful to see a familiar face.

So that way I could convince myself,

That I wasn't alone to the party.