I've never felt something like this before. I am dumbfounded by the sequence of my heartbeat tonight. It's not even a crush, I don't think. It's just a fascination. He made me feel so safe that I wanted to keep him for good. He looked like someone I can tame. He looked like someone I can keep.
There is no sexual tension. There is only fascination.
I want to hear his thoughts. I want to cuddle. I want to tell him about my day.
He's very comforting. He seemed like a well made bed at the end of the day. All I needed to do is lay down and wait for sleep to knock in. There is no need for mind games. There is no need for any ceremonial activity.
I just need to be there and so does he. I could catch his eye and see a smile form on his lips. But that's all I want, at least for now. I just want to keep him around, like having a friend. But I don't want him to be just a friend, but I don't it to be more than that either. I just want us to be in between, where it doesn't matter.
I may have completely made up a fictional character based on my idea of him. I do that all the time. Whether it be it's the idea of him I am attracted to, a series of make-beliefs my mind conjured for the same purpose, or maybe I'm just Sherlock Holmes' protege, but regardless, I've never felt something like this before.
Dear you,
Welcome to my collection,
A collection of make-beliefs
And delusions.
A collection of faded faces,
And fascinations.
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