Perhaps not

Okay, let's be transparent here. I thought I owe you an update. About a week ago, I posted this. And clearly, I said I was "over him".

Now let me tell you: perhaps not. 

In my previous post, I've said that our reality doesn't match at all. I thought I found out stuff about him based from my own assumptions. He was the most private man I've ever encountered, and the slowest at that as well. It frustrated me and thus resulted in a backlash. 

But I kept digging anyway and I found out that his standards and mine may indeed dance in harmony. I think I misjudged him way too early. Because I was apparently "over him", I didn't care no more if I looked desperate or pathetic around him. I asked more questions. I initiated the conversations.

And that's when I realized I was completely wrong about him.

He is still very slow, but I don't care about that anymore. Hell, I don't even care where we go from here. All I know is that I like him, and it's okay if he doesn't like me back. I am so used to pushing myself to people, trying to prove my worth so they let me stay. Because of this, we always seem to skip the friendship stage. And when it comes down to it, the entire thing crashes because it has no foundation whatsoever. Because everything was rushed, done in a hurry, and done so quickly.

I like him because he is likable. He is friendly and engaging. I always assume men like that comes with motive. Maybe not this time. And I finally figured out how to be okay with it.  He is a genuine person and I don't need to discard him to save my ego.

I don't need to be exactly "over him". I guess I just need to be "over my expectations". Once I do that, maybe it can open doors, or maybe not. But does it matter? Either way I made a real friend. I guess the "kilig" moments are just bonuses.

Like that time he listened to my Cavaliers heart without complaints, before I found out he was actually pro-Warriors. Or that time he sat right next to me at a game and our skin briefly touched. 

Petty stuff like that, but you know what I mean.