I tried cheating

I tried cheating. Well, technically I didn't cheat because I have no commitment whatsoever with anyone other than myself, but basically I went on a "date" with someone else not my crush (let "main" be my crush).

I suppose I was intrigued by his approach. How ironic that I first met him minutes away from another date. I was only idling when he walked towards me. He said hi and I was nice enough to say hi back. Then we had a short chat and he asked to add me on Facebook and I obliged. He also asked for a selfie, but that I refused. For a week, we talked for a bit on Facebook. I appreciated that he wasn't annoying online. And then he asked if I wanted to catch a movie with him. I figured why not. I was flattered, and I was curious. Guys don't just approach girls, especially not me because I'm the arrogant looking type. But he walked up to me. I admired his courage and I wanted to know how much more can he muster.

So I finally met him for the movie and I was completely disappointed. He didn't look excited when he saw me. In fact, he looked bored. He said he caught a cold, so I figured. But regardless, he wasn't approachable enough from the last I remember him. At the same time this is happening, I was having difficulty dealing with my "main". While we saw the movie, I was itching to make a call. He acted very awkwardly and I was turned off. It wasn't a cute awkward thing. It was the usual awkward thing I get from the majority of the guys I meet. 

I proceeded with my bubbly approach just to break the ice. After the movie, he invited me for coffee and although I didn't want to go, I also don't want to appear rude by trying to escape him right away. We went to Starbucks and he talked about the things that don't matter. That, or I just lack interest generally. I mean, he sounded really smart, which is the kind of thing I usually go for. But perhaps it's the delivery or his execution, or perhaps my mind's just focused on my "main" that I didn't find topics such as psychology and mythology interesting anymore. I just wanted to get it over with.

I remember thinking "I wish my main can save me right now" while I was on this date. But I guess it also made me realize the difference between the cute awkwardness versus the annoying awkwardness. I was just bored. And it didn't feel right. Frankly, I just felt so guilty. 

I guess I'm just thankful for the free movie, the free popcorn, and the free coffee.

But I'm not doing it again.