I used to drink because I didn't like being called "the good girl". I hated being teased because apparently I was the reserved girl, the pampered girl, or the homebody girl. Everyone else seems to be doing it, so I guess it's okay if I did it too. I was drunk by the excitement of "getting together", "having fun", and "building insane memories together". Missing out on a couple session seemed uncool and I hated missing out on embarrassing stories so I never missed one. I did this often that people already established me as a sure attendee. I built my tolerance over the years so I last longer than everybody else. However, all these time I always hated the smell of alcohol. I hated every aftermath that stretches two days at worst.
I have respect for people who drink their hearts out because I've been there. I once thought I was cool because I have money to burn and organs to abuse. I was trapped in a cage my friends and I built and even worse, I hosted others' too.
Recently, I took a step back, and I've never been more proud to say no. I'm able to do more with my time and consciousness. I started to have control over my thoughts and actions. And because of this, whatever people say didn't matter anymore. I no longer have the thirst to look "cool" for others. After all, I am not an Instagram feed.
I realized the reason I felt uncool was because I wasn't doing anything else in my life. I thought I was boring so I resorted to a hobby that didn't require much investment. All I needed was a functioning body system.
I still get drinks don't judge me, but only when there's actually worth celebrating or lamenting over. Drinking is part of life, but it shouldn't be your life. Trust me, I've been there.
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