She didn't wake up. I did.

I don't get it. I've dreamt about a particular girl for a few times now. The thing is, she's Aaron's "the one that got away". If a "one great love" identification exists, she's probably it. I had yet another dream last night. However it started, I can't remember. I just remember sharing "our" bed with her, Aaron in the middle. And throughout the night, Aaron would hug us both alternately from our backs. I realized this and decided I couldn't accept the arrangement. So I tapped Aaron awake and I told him to choose between us. He said he couldn't decide because she's still asleep and told me he'll make a decision when she wakes. So I agreed to wait. I guess a part of me was expecting he'd dismiss the idea right then and there. Instead he told me he'll have to discuss it with her first. She was awake for a bit because she managed to reply to me, "But I'm getting married." But instantly, she went back to sleep. I don't know how long it took but it apparently lasted long, yet this girl is still asleep, in my bed, with Aaron cuddling her. The image despised me and angered me and also hurt me, but I bid my time waiting for her to wake up to put an end to the love triangle. 

She didn't wake up. I did.

The dream was so bizarre and if my Mom was here, I know how she would interpret it. From Aaron's perspective, it could mean that his heart hasn't yet let her go. And all this time, he's still confused. She'll always be special to him and this will anger me forever. I'll always wonder whether they'll end up together anyway. I'll be the girl in between the pages, the one that came and go. 

But then again this isn't Aaron's dream. It's mine. Whatever it means, it's definitely internal. My own emotions making stuff up. Maybe I'm just threatened, constantly comparing what they had to what Aaron and I have. Maybe because she's nearby, just a few kms away and her house is there. Maybe because I truly can't call the south mine, because her footprints are everywhere. And I know there is basically nowhere else to go. Aaron will always be familiar with every place, and by that competition I've already lost. Maybe I can't accept that. Maybe it's eating my thoughts.