Who determines your worth?

I just wish someone out there could see me the way I see myself: awesome 🤣

I think a lot of "know yourself" and "love yourself" growing up didn't help. 

Who am I kidding,

It certainly helped me reach unbelievable standards.

Sometimes, it's hard to admit it, but you need someone too.

Who determines your worth? Is there really a weighing scale? Where do you line up to get weighed? Do they hand out reports? I'm saying this because sometimes, he's not the only one unworthy, so are you. You can't tell me he's not worth it because I know myself. I am absolutely terrible to be around with. I have a hyperactive mind, a loud and unfiltered mouth, and an incredible perception of everything down to the most minimal subject. I can get quite defensive. I don't just fight, but I claw myself out of the situation. I manipulate people to my advantage. The books I read is the library that defines my personality. I am extremely difficult to be friends with, much more to be in a relationship with.  I thrive in many cases of complications. And I take pride in winning each one. I am not simple. I am not kind. I am not friendly. I am not tamed. I don't purr. I roar. And I take a good bite. I am safe unless triggered but in a world full of chaos, trigger comes in microscopic details. I am undescribed, yet expect people to understand. I am many things I am proud of. Except they don't make up a domesticated partner. So forgive me if I don't believe in the concept of worth. Because if we're here talking about worth, I'd be first on the line of 'unworthy'.

My mama has the most brutal mouth when she told me "You have to consider the fact that you are also difficult to manage." It takes great courage to allow yourself to be casted for the supporting role. Maybe it isn't all about you. What he did tells me only one thing: he is scared of me. I don't justify one thing he ever did. But I am also not blaming him. Every action has a reaction. Whether he did it because he didn't love me enough, or he did it because I threatened him, there is a cause to it. And that is where we are, working on that "cause" that led to it. There is no hate, no bitterness, and certainly no anger. There is only pain, and a shitload of workfiles to analyze. But there is also hope. If he did it because he didn't love me, or he did it because I have at least a contribution to it, or he did it because he was just stupid, or he did it out of ignorance, then so be it. That's what we're trying to figure out. And when we do, that's when we decide what to do.