Confessions of a PT's GF: Aaron is my choice

So Aaron and I are in good terms again. Ask me how.

I gave another chance, but this time not to him. I gave "us" another chance. I still believe my relationship is worth saving and I'm tired of convincing people that I'm making the right decision. I'm probably not. But doing this gives me peace. And at the end of the day, that's all that matters - move towards a decision you can live with.

Aaron is many things sub par but he still loves me. I can seriously attest to that. Love is not our problem. And call me whatever name but to me, love is always worth another fight.

Aaron's intentions are pure and it's hard to explain that to people when they only watch us from a screen. Aaron's difficulty is expression. I think many factors contributed to his fear of confrontation. He is a stranger to conversations. He is a stranger to his own emotions. He has been deprived of speech for such a long time that he's forgotten how to communicate, not with me or anyone else, but to himself. His decades of lack of sleep has definitely taken a toll. The people he has to deal with over the years took away his ability to trust himself. 

I look at Aaron and I see many great potential. He has raw talent. His willingness to learn usually put him in jeopardy. People tend to abuse his kind heart that he learned to shield it by caring just a little bit less. He distanced himself from the smallest of things that could potentially hurt him. He did things by the book because no one appreciated his uniqueness and passion. He has this incredible thirst for success that I want to be a part of. I want to walk by his side, on his arms, and smile at the people he invited over, the same people who put him down. I want to win by his side because winning battles alone is lonely.

I can almost imagine us, two people who aren't meant to be together, who aren't supposed to be together, to survive.

We are two different people tasked to be one. But I understand him. I understand his struggles. I understand his pain. I understand his ambition. I understand his passion. I understand his capacity. We will never stand on the same page, because no one's meant to be supporting role. We are Volumes I and II, part of each other's, but both carry a different plot in different perspectives. I will write my own book and so will he. And together will be an epic journey. 

I am very good at describing things but Aaron is the only thing I find difficult to describe. He is many things the dictionary hasn't found a word for. I am manufacturing my own language just to understand him. He is complicated but just like many uncertain things, complications make life. Complications make life interesting, because finding meaning gives us purpose. It drives to self-discovery. It even sometimes, if not all times, lead to adventure.

I am done justifying my choices. Aaron is my choice. And as long as I'm making the choices, I'll choose him. Over and over and over.