The #BONFIRE that once lit up the sky, is now dimmed

The #BONFIRE that once lit up the sky, is now dimmed. 

Another thing takes over - fear of failure, accepting failure, and living with that failure. 

I think maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was. The more I stay in Law School the more I realize I am not as bright as I once thought I was. This kind of feeling is a resemblance of the two other distinct moments in my life. Surprisingly enough, it didn't include extending another sem back in College. 

The first thing was failing Business Calculus. The very first subject I failed in my entire life. And the second, which came as a result of failing Business Calculus, was failing the Accountancy program. But I was okay after that. All I needed is to convince my Dad to shift courses because honestly it didn't bother me as deep as my failure now because I didn't want to be an Accountant in the first place. I wanted to be a Lawyer, since I was in Elementary, it is what I thought of. Accountancy is just another degree that goes well with Law. 

Ever since it is clear to me that to be a Lawyer is what I wanted to become. So failing Law Subjects, one after another, really consumes me. The cut goes really deep that now I think it has affected my overall mental health.

I even believe sometimes that maybe this is a wrong choice, a wrong path for me. Otherwise, it would have been easy. It would have been naturally attainable. Maybe I don't really want to be a Lawyer. That maybe it is just an illusion I keep telling myself since I was young. 

I look at my friends and my classmates and some of them have it easy. I feel so unworthy.

I feel like,

I don't really belong here.

And the worse part is,

Quitting is not an option.

So I have to go on and face each day,

Believing I don't belong.