Buying books lately literally healed me

 I had a rough past month which caused me to lose momentum. I was sick, wasn't eating and sleeping well, and as a result I lost a lot of weight. People would often tell me I look great. But really, I don't feel great. It's frustrating. But I'm learning to be kind to my body and my mind as it goes through changes. What else can you do in these situations anyway, but keep going.

This whole ordeal made me realize one important thing about myself. Living without expression killed something in me. I can't even describe it. I felt hollow. Perhaps if I could compare it to an emotion it'd be homesickness.Yes, that's the closest thing. It's not pain. It's not sadness. It's emptiness. Maybe even depression? I didn't care anymore about my body. I stopped "looking pretty" and "dressing up". I enjoyed that feeling of hunger as if it was my revolt. I enjoyed punishing myself because I hated myself. I lost my will to live because I felt like it wasn't my life anymore. Everyday I hoped to meet my death. And being conscious of that thought sunk me deeper. I spend days watching myself do things against my will. I internally ridicule myself every single day. I was getting less and less sleep and even when I was supposedly sleeping I was still mocking myself. I entertained myself by the entertainment that has become my life. It was seriously scary. 

I don't know how I managed to get out but if I were to take a guess, it'd be at the moment I realized why I reached that plane in the first place. No matter how hard life gets, I always rise above it. I would write about it, paint about it, read about it. This time however, I didn't even have the time to do that. Even if I did, I was too physically exhausted to even bother to pick up a book or a brush. I reached the conclusion that if I stay in this plane for even a little longer, I'd be miserable. Who knows where my thoughts would lead me. I can't let that happen. 

To summarize, living without expression is going to kill me, and the wheel of expression is time, which I didn't have. Perhaps all of this is temporary. The root word being "perhaps" is my deciding factor. Perhaps things will lie low. Perhaps I'll get used to things. Perhaps they won't. I'd rather not suffer through before I figure it out. I'm getting out. I'm de-loading the train. And it begins with quitting my job.

Read More

A positive note, finally

 The last maybe 20 posts I did are probably all so depressing. Basically I was. Now for the first time in ages, I feel like the clouds are slowly parting. But I'm scared. I am anxious. I prefer not to entertain dark thoughts because I cannot for the love of me re-enter the bottom of the pit. I do not want to be there again. I cast away negative thoughts because otherwise, I won't be able to focus on what's in front of me: my last year of law school. I am about to pull off a miracle, if miracles do exist. I have no idea how to be my own hero. But as BTS lyrics' once say, "You give me the best of you, so you give you the best of you." I am about to give me the best of me. Hopefully it's enough. I hope I can really stick to this discipline, or at least find a balance in between.

Surprisingly, coming out to my parents regarding my current downfall, one of my many these past consecutive years, wasn't as horrible as I thought. The hours before it was the absolute worse, but the post effect wasn't as bad as the last time I confessed. Gosh at this point, another BTS lyrics' echoes through my head, "I know you're hesitating because even if you say the truth, in the end it will all return as scars". 

I have a fair share of those, scars. I find them embellished on my skin, out for display for the world to see and judge. But for the first time in my life, I'm owning up to it. I want to be happy ggaddamnit.

With a little luck on my side, hopefully I do graduate law school next year.

Read More

A message to the lazy me sometime this semester:

 What are you thinking? You do not have the luxury of time. Get your ass and catch up with your backlogs! I swear we've been here before, so many times before, and it NEVER ends well for you or me. Forget social media and Youtube videos for now, or whatever else you may find yourself involved with. Heck are you still binge watching BTS reaction videos? Let it go. Just pause it for now. Please, I beg of you. Save yourself. Prioritize yourself otherwise we'll end up in the same problem as this year, and worse, also last year's. You can do it! BTS would want you to succeed, remember that. Find your own motivation. Listen to Zero O'clock or Magic Shop if you need to.

I'll see you at the finish line. I'll be waiting. Don't be lazy.

Read More

Is this my downfall?

 This feels different. This feels worse.

I'm used to winning. Then I attended law school, so I got used to losing. 

I flipped my grief and I learned to wear my losses as a badge of honor. I wave it around the people around me. They say if life gave you lemons, make lemonade. Well, life tossed me a handful of losses and I made it my anchor. I remained steady while life throws in hurricanes. It made me stronger. It made me fiercer.

Losing battles doesn't matter if you win the war. 

But this feels different. 

This feels worse. 

This feels like defeat. 

Is this my downfall? Is this the end of my story? Am I only supposed to write until this chapter? 

All of this seems like a prologue, but instead of it being a Lawyer, it could be something else. A future I'm unaware of. Where is this leading me? Because this isn't at all a redirection, it feels like a wake up call. 

I thought when I tripped, I was on the ground, but the ground isn't the limit. I am sinking to the core of the earth. Whatever battles I've lost won't matter if I win the war. Whatever battles I've won won't matter if I lose the war.

But one can only lose a number of battles before one loses hope.

I stand in between being a hero and a martyr. I thought last year was a slap in my face. This time, I'm being dragged away. The question is, do I let it? Or do I still fight it? Sometimes I wonder, am I on the right side of things? Perhaps I am running away from my destiny by insisting this hopeless war. I don't know if this is a barrier I have to cross or a barrier I take as a warning not to cross. I can't decide which.

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How much more defeats

 You look at your reflection for too long and the image starsts to get blurry. You wonder if it's your eyes playing a joke on you, like optical illusion. Or maybe if you focus at something for a long time, you simply lose your consciousness, like meditation.

Either way, the longer I watch myself fail, over and over, my vision gets blurry. 

How much more defeats should I live through to see where I'm heading.

Read More

The #BONFIRE that once lit up the sky, is now dimmed

The #BONFIRE that once lit up the sky, is now dimmed. 

Another thing takes over - fear of failure, accepting failure, and living with that failure. 

I think maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was. The more I stay in Law School the more I realize I am not as bright as I once thought I was. This kind of feeling is a resemblance of the two other distinct moments in my life. Surprisingly enough, it didn't include extending another sem back in College. 

The first thing was failing Business Calculus. The very first subject I failed in my entire life. And the second, which came as a result of failing Business Calculus, was failing the Accountancy program. But I was okay after that. All I needed is to convince my Dad to shift courses because honestly it didn't bother me as deep as my failure now because I didn't want to be an Accountant in the first place. I wanted to be a Lawyer, since I was in Elementary, it is what I thought of. Accountancy is just another degree that goes well with Law. 

Ever since it is clear to me that to be a Lawyer is what I wanted to become. So failing Law Subjects, one after another, really consumes me. The cut goes really deep that now I think it has affected my overall mental health.

I even believe sometimes that maybe this is a wrong choice, a wrong path for me. Otherwise, it would have been easy. It would have been naturally attainable. Maybe I don't really want to be a Lawyer. That maybe it is just an illusion I keep telling myself since I was young. 

I look at my friends and my classmates and some of them have it easy. I feel so unworthy.

I feel like,

I don't really belong here.

And the worse part is,

Quitting is not an option.

So I have to go on and face each day,

Believing I don't belong.

Read More

I am finally on the right track.

So I feel the need to document my first week at law school. After all, five years in the future, I may be desperate to find out how the hell did I survive my firsts.

Let's begin.

First time meeting the block. Can I backtrack a bit? I first met the classmates during orientation day. Unlike in my undergrad, this time around, we are obliged to sit down with our block as a whole. From that day on, we were encouraged to be together, at all costs. Our facilitators told us to get to know each other, even forced us to be close already. After all, they said, these are the faces we'll be seeing everyday at law school, with or without tears in their eyes. We will share tears, laughs and embarrassments together. Sooner than later, way before law school actually started, we began nurturing a bond. We began sharing our thoughts and insights online that made it so much easier for us to approach each other on our first day. Literally, it felt like a family. And we've only met each other for a week!

First class. This was the most nerve-wracking of all. Individually, we have our expectations. But none of us knew for real what awaits us. We met up two hours earlier, to ease the tension before classes starts. Also so none of us gets lost on the first day. Everybody was so nervous, I remember, including me. So enter we did the classroom. The Professor was late, which I have observed is a common trait among the majority, but arrived he did anyway. He was intimidating. His posture boosts of pride and years of experience in the industry. Long story cut short, he wasn't that bad. And because of that, all of us were able to shake off the nerves for our second class.

First assignment. Our very first assignments include of course, hundred pages of reading, some challenging research ordeal, and a very thick compilation of case studies. But what struck me the most was the reading. It made me realised reading isn't just reading. It doesn't matter if you've read the whole book. You have to remember it. So when they say one should read a 150 page, it means, (1) reading it thoroughly once, (2) taking down notes the second time, then (3) memorising it the third. So imagine it with me. If one doesn't entertain breaks in between reading, a 150 page read may take around 6 hours or so, but that's not enough. You have to take down notes which takes maybe an hour. Then you have to actually study it. Familiarising is different than remembering every word out of it. I have never come home from school, only to study the entire time before I go back the next day. But you know what I realised? That- it is indeed possible. After all, I take numerous breaks in between. I don't entertain shopping or partying, but taking a thirty minute Facebook break, couple more minutes for Snapchat and Instagram, going out for lunch or dinner - trust me, it is acceptable.

First recitation. Holy mac and cheese! This is worse than reporting for an undergard thesis. Way worse than a panel interview with a job you are applying for. My heart was literally bursting out of my chest. During the orientation, one speaker reminisced her days at law school. She remembered going to classes with her heart ALWAYS beating fast. Never once calm. I finally understood how it feels. It's different from an ordinary recitation. It's not just a part of your grade. It is your grade. You answer, you get a point. You don't, you fail. Literally.

I remember being called for the first time. My brain screeched, "Shit. Shit. Shit." All of a sudden, you forget everything. All the words you've read gets tangled in a web of thoughts. What if. What if. Is this the right answer. Will he ask me to explain. Will I fail this class. I if do, what do I do. Do I really want this. And slowly, your vision starts to blur out.

But then it happens. May it be a silver lining, a lucid interval, or by merely an adrenaline rush. When the professor suddenly throws the question, suddenly your brain shuffles for an answer. Your mind takes over, like it did mine. I may not have given him the RIGHT answer, but at least I've given him answers. And at law school, that's what matters. Never stay in silent. And suddenly, an insufficient answer is more acceptable than a state of blankness.

And when you come home after class, you can say that one way or another, you have survived another day at law school. After all, that's how it is - one day after another, another after the other. Survive four years? I just want to survive tomorrow, and the day next to that. Don't take the burden of law school drown you. Take each day as it comes, approach slowly, and enjoy small accomplishments like this.

First Friday Night Out. Holy crap. How good did this feel. After a long week at law school, going out for a drink felt like redemption. It was one of a kind. It's so much different than hitting Valkyrie on a Saturday with your usual pals. And specifically, ours was definitely unforgettable. I remember being at the back of a pick up truck, blasting EDM on a bluetooth speaker, traversing EDSA free of traffic at 3am, and feeling absolutely free. And for once, I could say I was genuinely happy, when it was all WORTH IT.

xx

I may have announced before how much I felt caged and intimidated by the restraints of life. But for once, I find myself playing with its chains, flipping the lock back and forth into my palms. I feel a certain pride that no 000k salary can reach with.

I am finally inclined to my path.

I am finally here.

I am finally on the right track.

Read More

I am finally on the right track.

So I feel the need to document my first week at law school. After all, five years in the future, I may be desperate to find out how the hell did I survive my firsts.

Let's begin.

First time meeting the block. Can I backtrack a bit? I first met the classmates during orientation day. Unlike in my undergrad, this time around, we are obliged to sit down with our block as a whole. From that day on, we were encouraged to be together, at all costs. Our facilitators told us to get to know each other, even forced us to be close already. After all, they said, these are the faces we'll be seeing everyday at law school, with or without tears in their eyes. We will share tears, laughs and embarrassments together. Sooner than later, way before law school actually started, we began nurturing a bond. We began sharing our thoughts and insights online that made it so much easier for us to approach it other on our first day. Literally, it felt like a family. And we've only met each other for a week!

First class. This was the most nerve-wracking of all. Individually, we have our expectations. But none of us knew for real what awaits us. We met up two hours earlier, to ease the tension before classes starts. Also so none of us gets lost on the first day. Everybody was so nervous, I remember, including me. So enter we did the classroom. The Professor was late, which I have observed is a common trait among the majority, but arrived he did anyway. He was intimidating. His posture boosts of pride and years of experience in the industry. Long story cut short, he wasn't that bad. And because of that, all of us were able to shake off the nerves for our second class.

First assignment. Our very first assignments include of course, hundred pages of reading, some challenging research ordeal, and a very thick compilation of case studies. But what struck as the most was the reading. It made me realised reading isn't just reading. It doesn't matter if you've read the whole book. You have to remember it. So when they say one should read a 150 page, it means, (1) reading it thoroughly once, (2) taking down notes the second time, then (3) memorising it the third. So imagine it with me. If one doesn't entertain breaks in between reading, a 150 page read may take around 6 hours or so, but that's not enough. You have to take down notes which takes maybe an hour. Then you have to actually study it. Familiarising is different than remembering every word out of it. I have never come home from school, only to study the entire time before I go back the next day. But you know what I realised? That- it is indeed possible. After all, I take numerous breaks in between. I don't entertain shopping or partying, but taking a thirty minute Facebook break, couple more minutes for Snapchat and Instagram, going out for lunch or dinner - trust me, it is acceptable.

First recitation. Holy mac and cheese! This is worse than reporting for an undergard thesis. Way worse than a panel interview with a job you are applying for. My heart was literally bursting out of my chest. During the orientation, one speaker reminisced her days at law school. She remembered going to classes with her heart ALWAYS beating fast. Never once calm. I finally understood how it feels. It's different from an ordinary recitation. It's not just a part of your grade. It is your grade. You answer, you get a point. You don't, you fail. Literally.

I remember being called for the first time. My brain screeched, "Shit. Shit. Shit." All of a sudden, you forget everything. All the words you've read gets tangled in a web of thoughts. What if. What if. Is this the right answer. Will he ask me to explain. Will I fail this class. I if do, what do I do. Do I really want this. And slowly, your vision starts to blur out.

But then it happens. May it be a silver lining, a lucid interval, or by merely an adrenaline rush. When the professor suddenly throws the question, suddenly your brain shuffles for an answer. Your mind takes over, like it did mine. I may not have given him the RIGHT answer, but at least I've given him answers. And at law school, that's what matters. Never stay in silent. And suddenly, an insufficient answer is more acceptable than a state of blankness.

And when you come home after class, you can say that one way or another, you have survived another day at law school. After all, that's how it is - one day after another, another after the other. Survive four years? I just want to survive tomorrow, and the day next to that. Don't take the burden of law school drown you. Take each day as it comes, approach slowly, and enjoy small accomplishments like this.

First Friday Night Out. Holy crap. How good did this feel. After a long week at law school, going out for a drink felt like redemption. It was one of a kind. It's so much different than hitting Valkyrie on a Saturday with your usual pals. And specifically, ours was definitely unforgettable. I remember being at the back of a pick up truck, blasting EDM on a bluetooth speaker, traversing EDSA free of traffic at 3am, and feeling absolutely free. And for once, I could say I was genuinely happy, when it was all WORTH IT.

xx

I may have announced before how much I felt caged and intimidated by the restraints of life. But for once, I find myself playing with its chains, flipping the lock back and forth into my palms. I feel a certain pride that no 000k salary can reach with.

I am finally inclined to my path.

I am finally here.

I am finally on the right track.

Read More

I am finally on the right track.

So I feel the need to document my first week at law school. After all, five years in the future, I may be desperate to find out how the hell did I survive my firsts.

Let's begin.

First time meeting the block. Can I backtrack a bit? I first met the classmates during orientation day. Unlike in my undergrad, this time around, we are obliged to sit down with our block as a whole. From that day on, we were encouraged to be together, at all costs. Our facilitators told us to get to know each other, even forced us to be close already. After all, they said, these are the faces we'll be seeing everyday at law school, with or without tears in their eyes. We will share tears, laughs and embarrassments together. Sooner than later, way before law school actually started, we began nurturing a bond. We began sharing our thoughts and insights online that made it so much easier for us to approach each other on our first day. Literally, it felt like a family. And we've only met each other for a week!

First class. This was the most nerve-wracking of all. Individually, we have our expectations. But none of us knew for real what awaits us. We met up two hours earlier, to ease the tension before classes starts. Also so none of us gets lost on the first day. Everybody was so nervous, I remember, including me. So enter we did the classroom. The Professor was late, which I have observed is a common trait among the majority, but arrived he did anyway. He was intimidating. His posture boosts of pride and years of experience in the industry. Long story cut short, he wasn't that bad. And because of that, all of us were able to shake off the nerves for our second class.

First assignment. Our very first assignments include of course, hundred pages of reading, some challenging research ordeal, and a very thick compilation of case studies. But what struck me the most was the reading. It made me realised reading isn't just reading. It doesn't matter if you've read the whole book. You have to remember it. So when they say one should read a 150 page, it means, (1) reading it thoroughly once, (2) taking down notes the second time, then (3) memorising it the third. So imagine it with me. If one doesn't entertain breaks in between reading, a 150 page read may take around 6 hours or so, but that's not enough. You have to take down notes which takes maybe an hour. Then you have to actually study it. Familiarising is different than remembering every word out of it. I have never come home from school, only to study the entire time before I go back the next day. But you know what I realised? That- it is indeed possible. After all, I take numerous breaks in between. I don't entertain shopping or partying, but taking a thirty minute Facebook break, couple more minutes for Snapchat and Instagram, going out for lunch or dinner - trust me, it is acceptable.

First recitation. Holy mac and cheese! This is worse than reporting for an undergard thesis. Way worse than a panel interview with a job you are applying for. My heart was literally bursting out of my chest. During the orientation, one speaker reminisced her days at law school. She remembered going to classes with her heart ALWAYS beating fast. Never once calm. I finally understood how it feels. It's different from an ordinary recitation. It's not just a part of your grade. It is your grade. You answer, you get a point. You don't, you fail. Literally.

I remember being called for the first time. My brain screeched, "Shit. Shit. Shit." All of a sudden, you forget everything. All the words you've read gets tangled in a web of thoughts. What if. What if. Is this the right answer. Will he ask me to explain. Will I fail this class. I if do, what do I do. Do I really want this. And slowly, your vision starts to blur out.

But then it happens. May it be a silver lining, a lucid interval, or by merely an adrenaline rush. When the professor suddenly throws the question, suddenly your brain shuffles for an answer. Your mind takes over, like it did mine. I may not have given him the RIGHT answer, but at least I've given him answers. And at law school, that's what matters. Never stay in silent. And suddenly, an insufficient answer is more acceptable than a state of blankness.

And when you come home after class, you can say that one way or another, you have survived another day at law school. After all, that's how it is - one day after another, another after the other. Survive four years? I just want to survive tomorrow, and the day next to that. Don't take the burden of law school drown you. Take each day as it comes, approach slowly, and enjoy small accomplishments like this.

First Friday Night Out. Holy crap. How good did this feel. After a long week at law school, going out for a drink felt like redemption. It was one of a kind. It's so much different than hitting Valkyrie on a Saturday with your usual pals. And specifically, ours was definitely unforgettable. I remember being at the back of a pick up truck, blasting EDM on a bluetooth speaker, traversing EDSA free of traffic at 3am, and feeling absolutely free. And for once, I could say I was genuinely happy, when it was all WORTH IT.

xx

I may have announced before how much I felt caged and intimidated by the restraints of life. But for once, I find myself playing with its chains, flipping the lock back and forth into my palms. I feel a certain pride that no 000k salary can reach with.

I am finally inclined to my path.

I am finally here.

I am finally on the right track.

Read More

#THEBONFIRE: It's been lit!

So, weeks has gone by, leaves has fallen off, and the fiercely red sky slowly faded into black.

Okay, enough poetry.

(I am actually enjoying my new keys. *coughs* Air *coughs)

THE BONFIRE,
has been lit.
Weak.
But it's certainly there,
existing.

I just need to fan it,
pay attention to it.
Make sure the wind doesn't put it off.

And the weak,
will be strong,
sturdy,
and firm.

This is it,

I am about to catch on fire.
Watch me burn.

THE BONFIRE IS COMING.

Read More

#THEBONFIRE: What is it?

I had a change of heart. Or should I say, I had rerouted my heart to where it originally belonged. I have long set aside my dream to become a lawyer. Somewhere along the road, I've forgotten that fire... the fire that's naturally burning.... burning through these designer clothes and branded bags. It's like one day I just woke up drained. I woke up lost. I was following the best path but I feel so lost, is what I keep saying to myself. I am living a fabulous life. Indeed, pay was horrible, but life was stable. I had cash, lots of it in different bank accounts. I could travel each weekend and still have unlimited pocket money. I could party every friday if I choose to. I knew people, and I can get to know more. I could live the eternal life of glitz and glamour, and a few more years and I could earn the real salary I deserve. This is the path I am following now and it is good. All I need to do is wait, and life would craft itself before me. After all, I have all kinds of help, experts of the industry who wants to see me succeed. I have all of that... but I am unhappy. I am sad. I am bored. So one day, I woke up. I woke up and I asked myself, "Is it worth it?" 

Will it be worth it?

To hate yourself each time you mess up?

To feel guilty each time you get rewarded?

To wake up everyday feeling either of both?

And lose all other emotions.

Forever.

Is it all worth it to lose yourself?

Forever.

After all, what I realized most from this pointless journey is that,

Life isn't handed to you.

Waiting doesn't get you anywhere.

Constantly telling people, "I'm quitting in a few years time too, I'm just bidding time, get all experienced and stuff."

Question is, until when?

How long is waiting?

Being a kid is so much easier. Path is already laid down for two decades or so. College after highschool after elementary after pre-school. Wait the school year ahead, and next school year comes. No matter how consistent and boring school is, life is still moving. Onward it goes. Upgrading it goes... until graduation comes.

That's when you layover.

Finally, time to change transport, and the next ride doesn't come with free wheels. You have to scramble it on your own. Or else it won't move. It won't get you anywhere. So make sure you buy the wheels that takes you to your dreams. If it doesn't, you picked the wrong set girl. Leave the car, get out, and walk by foot if you must. Find a detour.

So one day I asked myself, "Is it worth it?"

No.

It's not worth it Goddamn.

I am leaving this car.

I am getting out.

I am walking by foot. (Even if it fucking hurts)

I am going to search for a detour.

Law school, I am coming.

I'm back on the race baby. 

Yes, I'm scared.

But this is my dream.

I am exchanging my Guess bags for thick law books. 

I am exchanging Scream Queens for How to Get Away with Murder.

I am exchanging my Chanels and Diors and Guccis and D&Gs for a small chance to get in to law school.

I am exchanging my stability now for a life of excitement. 

I am gambling everything.

My money.

My job.

My lovelife.

My lifestyle.

For happiness.

I used to believe happiness is a choice.

A little trick of the mind.

But I played that game,

My mind vs my heart.

Battling for ages now. 

Guess who won.

Lads and gents, this is #THEBONFIRE

And right now,

It's building up inside me.

Little by little.

Consuming every cell of mine,

Until...

#THEBONFIRE becomes me.

I will become that fire.

I will set on fire.

Burn along everything who comes my way.

I will be untouchable.

And I will be unstoppable.

Read More

#THEBONFIRE

I apologize.

For the pointless blogging the past few months. Now that I've come to terms with myself, I realized I've actually fucked up last year, in some areas of course... not all. In fact, maybe just one or two points.

Whatever.

Let's shake that off, okay?

Let's move on.

After all,

Hello 2016.

Yup, I'm 10 days overdue, I know.

Again, whatever.

I am feeling renewed actually, so hello good vibes. Idk for how long you'll linger, but I'll sure be using you to write something positive this time.

I am harnessing something, something small... but big. Some sort of flame for #THEBONFIRE I once mentioned. It's a speckle of dust for now but with the right amount of willpower at the right moment of time, I think I may actually be up to something. Stirring the perfect blend. Blending the right ingredients.

Last year, 2o15, was my most desperate year. So desperate indeed that it is to the point of embarrassment. I tried so hard to change and to be the exact opposite of who I was the year prior. I pulled myself out of my comfort zone. I reached out. I let go of my misery. However, what I did only made it worse. I sought out what I already have. By the end of the year, I realized my misery is actually my haven. The freedom I was seeking for existed through the form of my creativity, manifested from the very thing I tried hard to escape from. There is where I thrived. It is my home. It is my power. My strength. And I found it in the weakness of most people. 

So this year, I know exactly where to look. Where to stay. And where to go. And I'm going there. One step at a time. And I am taking the first step.

 

Read More

I will set a bonfire, and it will be my revenge.

Bitterness isn't just a state of mind.

Bitterness is another word for revenge.

One day, bitterness will consume me, and take over my world.

All the things I didn't do.

All the things that made me unhappy.

All the things that caged me, wrapped me, stopped me.

All the things that bounded me, forbidden me, limited me.

All the things that I should have done.

All the things that I should have taken.

All the things that I should have said.

All the things that I wanted.

All the things that made me happy.

Everything will come to me.

In bitterness.

At the end of time.

At the end of all things.

But before I die, I will take revenge.

I will take every little thing that consumed me, all that bitterness inside, pile them together, and burn it down to ashes.

And then I'll watch you watch me.

The fire reflected in your eyes, and I'll hear your thoughts before me.

Maybe I'll even let you join me.

I will set a BONFIRE.

And it will be the mark of my happiness.

It will be my revenge.

I'll take what's mine.

And discard this life I borrowed.

Read More