Is this my downfall?

 This feels different. This feels worse.

I'm used to winning. Then I attended law school, so I got used to losing. 

I flipped my grief and I learned to wear my losses as a badge of honor. I wave it around the people around me. They say if life gave you lemons, make lemonade. Well, life tossed me a handful of losses and I made it my anchor. I remained steady while life throws in hurricanes. It made me stronger. It made me fiercer.

Losing battles doesn't matter if you win the war. 

But this feels different. 

This feels worse. 

This feels like defeat. 

Is this my downfall? Is this the end of my story? Am I only supposed to write until this chapter? 

All of this seems like a prologue, but instead of it being a Lawyer, it could be something else. A future I'm unaware of. Where is this leading me? Because this isn't at all a redirection, it feels like a wake up call. 

I thought when I tripped, I was on the ground, but the ground isn't the limit. I am sinking to the core of the earth. Whatever battles I've lost won't matter if I win the war. Whatever battles I've won won't matter if I lose the war.

But one can only lose a number of battles before one loses hope.

I stand in between being a hero and a martyr. I thought last year was a slap in my face. This time, I'm being dragged away. The question is, do I let it? Or do I still fight it? Sometimes I wonder, am I on the right side of things? Perhaps I am running away from my destiny by insisting this hopeless war. I don't know if this is a barrier I have to cross or a barrier I take as a warning not to cross. I can't decide which.