The last maybe 20 posts I did are probably all so depressing. Basically I was. Now for the first time in ages, I feel like the clouds are slowly parting. But I'm scared. I am anxious. I prefer not to entertain dark thoughts because I cannot for the love of me re-enter the bottom of the pit. I do not want to be there again. I cast away negative thoughts because otherwise, I won't be able to focus on what's in front of me: my last year of law school. I am about to pull off a miracle, if miracles do exist. I have no idea how to be my own hero. But as BTS lyrics' once say, "You give me the best of you, so you give you the best of you." I am about to give me the best of me. Hopefully it's enough. I hope I can really stick to this discipline, or at least find a balance in between.
Surprisingly, coming out to my parents regarding my current downfall, one of my many these past consecutive years, wasn't as horrible as I thought. The hours before it was the absolute worse, but the post effect wasn't as bad as the last time I confessed. Gosh at this point, another BTS lyrics' echoes through my head, "I know you're hesitating because even if you say the truth, in the end it will all return as scars".
I have a fair share of those, scars. I find them embellished on my skin, out for display for the world to see and judge. But for the first time in my life, I'm owning up to it. I want to be happy ggaddamnit.
With a little luck on my side, hopefully I do graduate law school next year.
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