Welcome to my party

 I seriously wait for the day good news come knocking to my door. I feel like it's never coming. I couldn't win the marathon, so I settle for a sprint. They say you should celebrate small wins, but even that I struggle with.

I feel like I've been standing in darkness for so long that I couldn't recognize the sunlight. That, or it's simply not coming. 

I feel like I'm waiting for the world to be good to me. I'm a bastard son of good news. I'll forever be an outsider. I'll forever feel like an outsider. 

One good news. That's all I want. Just one. Except my years of experience taught me one thing - that it's never coming. Is this how Lucifer felt when he was cast down to hell? In the end, he decided to rule it. Should I do the same? Should I rule this darkness? Should I make darkness my realm? 

Welcome to my party. A party for two. Darkness and me. It's the only thing, knocking at my door.