Maybe I’m seeing this all wrong. Maybe all of this is happening not to teach me a lesson. I’ve learnt it. Many times I’ve fallen and risen. I have mastered it. I am strong enough to recover, to understand. Maybe some powerful deity is out there trusting me. To be strong. To keep strong. Because the lesson is not for me. The lesson is for people around me. My friends in particular. Maybe this is happening to me because they needed to overcome it. They needed to be okay with leaving me behind. They needed to understand why their path does not need to pace with mine. I’m sure it’s hard for them. Maybe in some way, I’m the one making it difficult for them right now. To keep going. To deal with the guilt of going first. Maybe I’m not the student anymore. Maybe I’m the teacher. I’m supposed to teach them. Because that’s the only way this all makes sense.
After all, life lessons does not only come from failures, even in successes they teach lessons. Maybe I’m supposed to be the object, not the subject. I am strong enough to be exhibit A.
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