#THEBONFIRE: What is it?

I had a change of heart. Or should I say, I had rerouted my heart to where it originally belonged. I have long set aside my dream to become a lawyer. Somewhere along the road, I've forgotten that fire... the fire that's naturally burning.... burning through these designer clothes and branded bags. It's like one day I just woke up drained. I woke up lost. I was following the best path but I feel so lost, is what I keep saying to myself. I am living a fabulous life. Indeed, pay was horrible, but life was stable. I had cash, lots of it in different bank accounts. I could travel each weekend and still have unlimited pocket money. I could party every friday if I choose to. I knew people, and I can get to know more. I could live the eternal life of glitz and glamour, and a few more years and I could earn the real salary I deserve. This is the path I am following now and it is good. All I need to do is wait, and life would craft itself before me. After all, I have all kinds of help, experts of the industry who wants to see me succeed. I have all of that... but I am unhappy. I am sad. I am bored. So one day, I woke up. I woke up and I asked myself, "Is it worth it?" 

Will it be worth it?

To hate yourself each time you mess up?

To feel guilty each time you get rewarded?

To wake up everyday feeling either of both?

And lose all other emotions.

Forever.

Is it all worth it to lose yourself?

Forever.

After all, what I realized most from this pointless journey is that,

Life isn't handed to you.

Waiting doesn't get you anywhere.

Constantly telling people, "I'm quitting in a few years time too, I'm just bidding time, get all experienced and stuff."

Question is, until when?

How long is waiting?

Being a kid is so much easier. Path is already laid down for two decades or so. College after highschool after elementary after pre-school. Wait the school year ahead, and next school year comes. No matter how consistent and boring school is, life is still moving. Onward it goes. Upgrading it goes... until graduation comes.

That's when you layover.

Finally, time to change transport, and the next ride doesn't come with free wheels. You have to scramble it on your own. Or else it won't move. It won't get you anywhere. So make sure you buy the wheels that takes you to your dreams. If it doesn't, you picked the wrong set girl. Leave the car, get out, and walk by foot if you must. Find a detour.

So one day I asked myself, "Is it worth it?"

No.

It's not worth it Goddamn.

I am leaving this car.

I am getting out.

I am walking by foot. (Even if it fucking hurts)

I am going to search for a detour.

Law school, I am coming.

I'm back on the race baby. 

Yes, I'm scared.

But this is my dream.

I am exchanging my Guess bags for thick law books. 

I am exchanging Scream Queens for How to Get Away with Murder.

I am exchanging my Chanels and Diors and Guccis and D&Gs for a small chance to get in to law school.

I am exchanging my stability now for a life of excitement. 

I am gambling everything.

My money.

My job.

My lovelife.

My lifestyle.

For happiness.

I used to believe happiness is a choice.

A little trick of the mind.

But I played that game,

My mind vs my heart.

Battling for ages now. 

Guess who won.

Lads and gents, this is #THEBONFIRE

And right now,

It's building up inside me.

Little by little.

Consuming every cell of mine,

Until...

#THEBONFIRE becomes me.

I will become that fire.

I will set on fire.

Burn along everything who comes my way.

I will be untouchable.

And I will be unstoppable.