Everything is unforeseen with him. We met up for dinner the other night and in return I got the most anticipated confession out of him. He traversed the forever annoying traffic roads of the south to see me. Given, he stopped by a client on the way, but he made such an effort regardless.
Over bingsoo, he and I agreed that if classes get suspended, he would confess something to me. I mean, no need to reiterate the kind of confession that would be. To my dismay, even at 12 midnight, there were no announcements from either my school's page or the City Government's page.
I invited him to sleep over, because to be honest I just want to see if adrenaline and tight space could get us to cuddle. Instead, we ended up talking about our "feelings". In the end I was finally able to make him confess. I think it went like this "Ano bang nakikita mo sa future? Ano bang gusto mo?" And he answered "Ikaw. Gusto kita." And then fireworks. We ended up talking about the chase and the countless times we tried to stop the feelings from growing. We talked about how it started. We talked about everything. I even told him about Spiderman, and I was surprised that he knew I was on a date with someone else. He even said he contemplated whether to continue "our thing" upon knowing so. I felt so bad knowing it affected him, so I apologized right away. And then apparently Ate at the gym told him what I told her weeks ago when she and I casually talked about "inspiration". I remember I teased, "I have no inspiration." And then she said "Is that possible? For a pretty girl like you? Diba ang haba ng pila?" And then I said something along the lines of "Oo nga ate eh, haba ng pila kaso may sumingit. Nasa huli tapos biglang sumingit sa unahan." I can't believe he held on to my words like that.
We ended up just cuddling and pretending to sleep the whole time. I dropped him off to work, and there he gave me our first kiss.
Would you believe where my kalandian led us? I still can't fathom it. I look back at my frustrated posts and I smile at my efforts. It was an unbelievable ride.
Perhaps I don't know the language of love. But July 29 when I dropped him off to work and we kissed, I self-formulated our status. To me, it was already real. But apparently it was one sided. Perhaps he needed confirmation, opposite to my "intuitive" personality.
We met again the next day on the 30th and things went intensely real. We went wall climbing and it was tiring but so much fun. I needed someone to push my limits after all. I'm glad he doesn't give up on me, regardless of my arte. He sticks by my side and continues to motivate me. I like to believe I am capable of so much more when I'm with him. I admire him for that. He's able to influence me on such level. No man has ever come to persuade me to do anything. I always thought I don't need anyone for motivation. I can always turn my nerves around and convince myself I can always make it on my own. And then he came around, and he offered something I thought I can never do, more so, ever need. My fears wrapped around his aura and suddenly I'm not scared anymore. I genuinely believe no harm can come to me if I keep him around. It feels good to breathe and let my guard down.
Anyway, because he "won" the climb, I offered him a prize I thought he can never refuse. But I was surprised at his hesitation. I was confused at his denial and I thought he simply saw it as too aggressive. Until he brought up the word "label". I was shookt. What I thought was confirmation the next before wasn't to him. I suppose he was scared I was only playing him. I was speechless at this moment because it made me realize that my offer does seem like a part of the game. All of a sudden, everything collapsed before me. My mind tried to pick an issue to solve, but I couldn't get any. It was just blank. Like completely washed. I suddenly felt so tired I wanted to sleep, like drifting away to my subconscious. He started to name his conditions, and how he sees being in a relationship with me. I honestly didn't know how to respond because I've never been in such a situation before. I was always just assuming, and never confirming.
Evidently, I accepted the label.
So there goes my boundary.
Perhaps I don't know the language of love. But July 29 when I dropped him off to work and we kissed, I self-formulated our status. To me, it was already real. But apparently it was one sided. Perhaps he needed confirmation, opposite to my "intuitive" personality.
We met again the next day on the 30th and things went intensely real. We went wall climbing and it was tiring but so much fun. I needed someone to push my limits after all. I'm glad he doesn't give up on me, regardless of my arte. He sticks by my side and continues to motivate me. I like to believe I am capable of so much more when I'm with him. I admire him for that. He's able to influence me on such level. No man has ever come to persuade me to do anything. I always thought I don't need anyone for motivation. I can always turn my nerves around and convince myself I can always make it on my own. And then he came around, and he offered something I thought I can never do, more so, ever need. My fears wrapped around his aura and suddenly I'm not scared anymore. I genuinely believe no harm can come to me if I keep him around. It feels good to breathe and let my guard down.
Anyway, because he "won" the climb, I offered him a prize I thought he can never refuse. But I was surprised at his hesitation. I was confused at his denial and I thought he simply saw it as too aggressive. Until he brought up the word "label". I was shookt. What I thought was confirmation the next before wasn't to him. I suppose he was scared I was only playing him. I was speechless at this moment because it made me realize that my offer does seem like a part of the game. All of a sudden, everything collapsed before me. My mind tried to pick an issue to solve, but I couldn't get any. It was just blank. Like completely washed. I suddenly felt so tired I wanted to sleep, like drifting away to my subconscious. He started to name his conditions, and how he sees being in a relationship with me. I honestly didn't know how to respond because I've never been in such a situation before. I was always just assuming, and never confirming.
Evidently, I accepted the label.
So there goes my boundary.
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