One last time, Inang

Remembering the day I want least to remember. Two years you've been gone, Inang, yet I still can't get over you. There are times I miss you terribly, longing for your luto and kisses. I sometimes even question if it's true what they say that you are out there looking out for us. I thought perhaps it is only our desperate attempt to save ourselves from breaking apart. 

I find myself hanging on to our memories, afraid to even let one slip away. I wish I could hug you again, Inang. I wish I could spend the holidays with you again. I wish you could nag me again about getting a haircut or pursuing a different career or changing to a more decent clothing or to over-hauling on things I don't need. I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish I could see you smile again, just one last time. 

Your last days were difficult to watch and I often blame myself for not spending more time with you when you needed me most. I wish I could tell you personally how I'm doing and that law school is almost killing me. I wish I could hear you tell others about it and I'll be okay because I know you are only proud of me. I wish we can share halo-halo again. I'd leave you the Langka like you wanted. I'd wait for you do your shopping while I devour on that Palabok you half-ate upon ordering. 

I miss every thread, every piece, every bit of memory we shared together over the years while I was growing up. You were always there for me, Inang, especially when I used to get sick all the time. Nobody takes away the "bad energy" these days. Take them away for me one last time, Inang.