I have this delusion that I am a writer. But I read somewhere that you're not really a writer until you're published, otherwise, everyone is a writer. I kept writing nonetheless.
Stories aren't difficult for me, just like conversations aren't difficult for me. Well, conversations with myself at least. I find it difficult to converse with a mind that isn't at par with mine. That's why I like talking to myself. I can argue, agree, justify, etc., without any remorse or that obligation to "not offend" anybody. Well these days, people get offended quite easily. I hate conversations. I always have to watch what I say and it defeats the process of thinking, a process I enjoy doing. So oftentimes due to these regulations, my thoughts are always at a dead end. So I detach because I have a difficult time taming how my brain works. Every word I utter goes through a million filters and it's tiring. I have to abide by kindness and politeness whenever I talk or the whole world will conspire against me. It's unfortunately so tiring to live like this. No moment is silent. Even in a soundless room, I hear screaming and shouting, like monsters living in my head waiting to be voiced out. I never run out of ideas yet somehow I have nowhere to divert it to. I see a million stories yet I have no one to share it with.
Sometimes I think I'm crazy, but most times I believe I'm just different. And then somehow I convince myself that being different is a good thing, that it's a cool thing. I allow myself to believe that I am special because there's no way that thinking like this, is normal. Or even if it is, and everyone's just good at disguising it, then I am crazy for not figuring that out. I may be the only one in the world who didn't get the memo. Either case, I feel isolated and alone.
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