How many more standing up, recovery, and self-motivation am I to face in this lifetime? It sure does feel like I've reached quota. After all, I'm just 28 but I feel like a Veteran, a survivor burdened with a distinct darkness inside him, traces of years of battles and defeats haunting him in his sleep.
I look around at my Comrades and although facing the same battle, they sure do have less defeats. I've tried changing war strategy only to realize that with or without preparation, I'm still a sore loser. It's not preparation I lack, I lack something God-given perhaps - luck, destiny, or in men's term, talent. I am not destined to win unfortunately, no matter what I do. I'm just destined to build something from the remnants of my pain, sourced from my many defeats - art, poem, this thing.
And admitting that, hurts more, because I was taught that I am the captain of my ship, except nobody tells you how to run the goddamn ship, and I apparently have sea sickness.
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