Today I went bezerk at the mall. I can't even recognize what triggers my temper anymore. It's just suddenly, I felt so mad. I felt attacked because I really believed that at the moment, I was doing the right thing, and all he was doing was tell me I'm reacting wrong. I really think my reaction is legitimate, if based upon the facts that were given to me at the time. So when he tells me I'm overreacting, I cannot agree. I felt so defeated, so small. He shut me up without even bothering to understand where my reaction was coming from. He was judging me. And I bet if he was in the same position as I was, he would react the same, maybe not as intensely as I did, but he would definitely say something too.
It's so unfair, to be judged so prematurely, especially coming from the person who should have understood where I was coming from. In fact, he was there, same as I was. It was all a big misunderstanding but my reaction was based upon the false facts handed down to me. I wouldn't react otherwise if I was provided by the entirety of the situation. Yet, he still judged me. He still told me I got quick to react. Of course I was quick to react because I believed I cheated upon. Why is that wrong? Why is my reaction at the time so wrong? I didn't say anything else after I was told the whole truth, because then I know. But at that split second when all the facts point to being cheated on, I know I'm just protecting my rights. I'm doing exactly what some people can only dream on doing: confronting.
I've never felt so misunderstood in my life. It felt like the world was closing down on me, labelling me an outsider. He was supposed to be my partner in crime. Yet he won't take the fall because deep down, way deep down, he's not for the team. He doesn't believe in the cause and that's why it's destined to fail. He and I, we're fighting for different things and everyday it gets clearer that we'll never be on the same page. We might be reading the same book, but never on the same page, or chapter at that.
Until now I don't think he gets where I'm coming from. He did not apologize at all. He still believes it's my fault. I can feel that. And it doesn't matter because I apologized anyway. Wouldn't he just do the same? Unless he's still planning a coup, behind my back. One day I think he will overthrow me, just push me out totally. Not unless I walk out on my own.
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