See how you heal differently

I often wonder when we say, "Hindi ko naman sinadya na mahalin siya eh. Nangyari nalang." How does it happen? Ultimately, don't we allow ourselves to fall in love in the first place? Maybe we didn't allow ourselves to be in love, but we certainly allowed ourselves to fall in love. There are no accidents. It is our decision to stay up late. It is our decision to go out on a date. It is our decision to engage in the conversation. It is our decision to reply. 

Love doesn't happen in a snap. It is the conclusion of every isolated decision we make that leads to love. We allow ourselves to fall because we choose to engage and to reciprocate.

At the beginning when you look back, at the very first time he texted you and you texted him back, can you honestly say you are in love with him? No. You found him attractive so you cultivated in your mind that idea of him. You engaged and reciprocated as a consequence of that fondness. 

So when it all goes sideways we often say "Ikaw kasi. Niligawan mo pa ako. Di mo naman pala ako kayang panindigan." Do you truly believe it's entirely his fault? He could have asked you out, but remember, you said yes. 

I often tell people I was the one who courted Aaron. I was the one who showed initiative. That doesn't mean I asked him out first. It only means I showed initiative. I showed motive. I allowed myself to fall in love. 

I remember I told myself, "Wow gosh I really like him. I want him to ask me out." So right then, there is no more back and forth, because it is clear from that moment that I know what I want, so the decisions that came afterwards manifested all that. I showed him my intentions when I agreed to go out for dinner. And he showed me his when he asked me out for dinner. 

We fell in love because we allowed ourselves to fall in love, because we want to fall in love. Not because it was an accident. 

Stop justifying situations you find yourself stuck in, by shoving all the pressure and all the blame to the other person. That only cultivates anger. And anger cultivates revenge. Revenge cultivates selfishness. And when you're selfish, you are prone to all kinds of social problems. 

The way I accept bad things in my life is by accepting that I contributed to the cause. I am part of the problem. It was my decision too. It was partly my fault. And when I find fault in myself, I forgive myself more. And when I forgive, I recover. 

So the next time you say "pinaasa ka" or "umasa ka", 

try thinking instead "nagpaasa din ako" or "umasa din ako". 

See how you heal differently.