Thank you, goodbye, and goodluck Inang...

Many have said their goodbyes, but I've put off mine for so long because I don't know how to do it. I have never lost anyone in my life. To me, death always seemed so distant. I never expected it be so harsh, so sudden, and so related to me. 

It's hard to let go. Most times you spend convincing yourself that she's on her way to a better place. And maybe that's true. However, it doesn't make it easier. After all, Inang left us imprints, big and small, but certainly different for each of us. I'm sure they have their own story to tell. But this is mine.

I may not have been there with her when she was born, nor did I grew up with her. I wasn't there when she got pregnant with her firstborn, nor was I there when she lost her other half. But Inang's mark in my life is huge. She was a part of my childhood. Growing up, she was constantly there, supporting, caring, comforting and even nagging. 

I can be a mere grandchild, less compared to her brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. But what we had, what Inang and I had, our own mark, was distinguishable. Sure, yes, she cooks for me and wraps birthday presents for me. But beyond all of the great memories, what stood out the most are these tiny details, the "in between" those great times.  The stitching to the bigger picture. Yes I went places with her, slept beside her, lived with her for a couple of years. But all that is nothing compared to the kisses she gives me whenever I greet her hello and goodbye. She would do so with small intakes of breath and little sniffs that bring me tickles. She calls me this funny name that whenever heard, people would laugh at. She would help me wash my hair, while constantly nagging I get a haircut, at an age most people would be embarrased to tell. She buys me these clothes I admit I was too embarrassed to wear. She would scoop the bad energy away whenever I was sick as if it was a physical object and can be removed. She does all these distinct things (and more) that now I realize I can't have no more.

Yes, she was already weak before she left us. But I never expected it to happen so soon. After all she was brave, and she has done it before, pulling off a miracle.

Inang, wherever you are, thank you for everything you did for me. You know I love you and I miss you. And I'm sorry I've shared this with the world, but I want you to know I am so proud to call you my Inang- our Inang. For the great memories, the lessons you taught us, your constant reminders of life, 

THANK YOU.

GOODBYE.

AND GOODLUCK,

on your journey home.