Hey, RM

 In a recent interview of RM (of BTS) with Zach Sang, RM uttered these words that hit me to the flesh, (non-verbatim), "After I finish a song, it's not mine anymore. It's out there for the people to interpret."

Instantly, like a side-effect of RM's eloquent speeches, I begin to self-reflect. Here's what I came up with:

I am selfish. Contrary to RM, I treat my art like a disease, never to be shared. My art is always personal to me, a reflection of the darkness that I hold inside me. It's a monster, unequipped to handle the world, or too dangerous to see the light of day. It should never be out there. It is mine alone. I once shared this very thought on Twitter, to which somebody replied, (non-verbatim) "You should treat your art as your children. You have to trust them to handle the world on their own." I don't. I don't trust my art because it is my humiliation. My art is my alter ego, the side of me that needed to be withdrawn from my consciousness so I stay sane. If I release my art, I am scared that it will be misinterpreted. And I value its meaning so much that I refuse to accept other people's interpretation. I am scared that I am the only person in the world who can understand me and my art, everyone else is shallow. I am selfish in that way. I don't like sharing because I am scared that other people will ruin it, misjudge it, misinterpret it, for me. 

I have learned that many things in life, including my emotions, aren't mine. These material things aren't mine. Even my triumphs aren't mine. My feelings aren't mine. They belong to society that bends it at its will. I have allowed myself to share everything else, except my thoughts and my expressions, made physical with art. Because nothing is mine besides my art, and I cling to it. I cling to my art because every canvass and every artwork I make is a part of me. Giving it away simply means giving myself away. To be judged. To be criticized. I have learned a long time ago that people love to disappoint. They will never understand me, my darkness, and my art. 

_____

Addendum: I suddenly remembered another thing RM said from the same interview. He said, again non-verbatim, "I usually start making music with a keyword. It goes from there."

Quite the opposite, the keyword to me comes at the very end. That's usually how I come up with a title. I let my thoughts pour out and as a result, it creates its own keyword. I start with the body first before the title. But RM starts with the title, and then the body.

How interesting.